My mind has been dwelling on this piece again today and the emotion at the heart of its inception. You see, I’ve never been a person who is great at letting people show up for me. Doing supportive things for others? Easy. Accepting help? The eternal struggle. I think I made this because I needed the reminder. I think I made this because it’s who I want to become. I think I made this because it’s a lesson I need to learn.
As my spine surgery rapidly approaches (click here to read my previous post to learn more), I’ve had many offers of support and people asking how they can help. I’ve struggled every time and end up punting the answer with an “I’ll let you know.” I ended up asking our followers on instagram for advice on how to accept help and got some amazing suggestions. I also had a number of meaningful conversations with friends new and old on how they learned to accept and even ask for help in crisis. I took a lot of notes. This conversation has caused me to reconsider what is causing this disconnect in the first place...
We live in a time where we are increasingly distant from the communal lives of our ancestors, and the idea that it takes a village feels more like an echo of some distant way of living than a reality. In the surreal sea of the social media landscape we find ourselves awash in the facsimile of connection and yet still we remain an island of one. It's easier than ever to witness, to speak, to feel like we know each other intimately; and yet we have never been more atomized and more alone.
And here it is again.... the question of how we show up. What does it mean to show up for each other in this time of escalating isolation? It's not simply enough for me to care for others. I should; no I must let them care for me in kind. We can take those small tentative steps together in the direction of closeness. We can ask for small favors. We can accept the hand that is offered without guilt. We can rest in the assurance that there will be bottomless opportunities to return that favor; again and again and again.
In this spirit; I'm working on a small list of ways that we will be asking for support during my surgery and what will likely be a very long road toward recovery. It may be a few days before I have all the pieces in place, but I'll be sure to post here when I've figured it out. In the meantime Justin got me a PO Box as a little pre-surgery gift and I thought posting that info here might be a great first step on the way to unlearning.
I don't know what exactly the future holds but I do feel an increasing gratitude for all of the ways that this time in my life is nudging me to grow. Pain can be a powerful teacher, and maybe in some small way I see sharing these thoughts here as way for someone else to find this same destination by way of a far less difficult path.
I've already begun to receive letters at my PO Box, from family, from childhood friends, from people I've never met. People will surprise you. People will show up for you. You just have to let them. You just have to start telling them how.
endless love in this world that is ours to remake,
Joelle